Ok Universe, Make This Happen!!

It's easy to only post during the moments of clarity and positivity.  That's when I'm motivated and excited and want to share.  What is hard is in those moments of doubt and worry, when all I want to do is hide behind all the "stuff" I have to do, writing this down is not easy.  And yet, the hard times are just as valuable to write and read.  I don't want to suggest in these tidbit writings, that I have it all together and am spiritually enlightened and have no worries.  BUT...I am working to that.

I think my theme for the year is "riding the wave".  I feel like the biggest blessing to myself will be in living very presently in the moment with my eyes on the horizon.  Life is a process, a journey.  I don't know why I have this annoying voice that keeps telling me to stay in regret and depression instead of risk feeling hopeful.  What happened to the grace of learning.  To allowing myself to feel confident and excited in the process and joyful upon discovery instead of feeling like, I should have known that already.

So I'm embracing the spiritual idea that I can manifest my dreams.  Really. Is this uncomfortable to read?  It sort of feels like I'm tossing out something that could make me crazy if I can't do it and lucky if I can.  But NO!  We create our experiences with the thoughts in our heads.  We all know this.  If I believe that only people with money are happy then I can't possibly be happy.  Or I will do anything to get money, only to discover I'm still unhappy.  If I think people are ignorant and selfish, then I see those people everywhere.  The same goes for the other way around.  When I believe in community, that people will take care of each other, I see and experience blessings everywhere in ways I could never have thought up.

But this takes work.  It was work when we had an income supporting our family.  It's more work now.  The doubts try to take up more space.  I realized the other day, on a particularly stressful day, I had to stop my spiral of negative thinking.  You know that voice that says, just take a job.  It doesn't matter what you do.  We need money.  We need security.  We need health insurance!  Get online and find a job NOW!!

And then I said a little prayer.  I need to stay strong, focused on our family's goal of finding work that fills us instead of depletes us.  Within moments, I received my weekly email from Lisa at Visionary Mom encouraging me to stand strong in my dreams.  I received another email from the library saying the book, "The Power of Intentions" by Dr. Wayne Dyer was in and ready for me to pick up.  My husband looked up from his computer to share that the amount of money we paid out last year in health insurance premiums and out of pocket expenses was more than if we had just paid the doctor offices directly.  Which means we can choose a plan with a higher deductible and possibly be better off than if we had an employer's plan.  And we looked at our financial picture and we still have a couple months before needing to take more drastic measures with money.

SO...suddenly, my image changed.  I came back to that place of having enough.  Looking at our blessings instead of our lack.  I reminded myself of what I want to be spending my time doing.  I have been engrossed in organic gardening, sustainable living, community resource sharing and alternative education.  I've been reading and talking with people about these topics for months but set it aside after my husband lost his job in an effort to "get focused".  HA...That's what I was doing before.  Getting focused!!

And what happened when my mind re-focused on what my heart was yearning for?  I had calls requesting I teach two different classes, a friend and I discovered that we both wanted to write a book about similar topics and two friends offered to provide some health care/therapy for free.  Seriously folks, this stuff works.  That's not luck.  That is using the power of the intention and manifestation.  That is saying to God, I know you are wanting me to experience good because that is God moving through me.  When I am experiencing Good, I am expressing Good.  And isn't that the point, to be sharing more Good.  And if my negative, worthless thoughts would stop blocking that flow, all would be better.

My daily ritual now includes starting with a few moments reading my intentions, meditating on the blessings in my life and stretching my body in gratitude that it still is strong and healthy.  I am consciously trying to spend as much time or more nurturing my dreams as I am looking for work.  As soon as my mind starts wandering to negative, "take anything" thoughts, I stop looking and go back to dreaming.  My friend and I are working out the details of the book we'd like to write and are meeting next week to write a query letter. I am developing my classes and my neighbors and I have set up a gardening co-op where we are going to share our harvests with each other this year. 

My dreams are manifesting right now!  So good, so good!!!