Let It Be

A softer shape for a square foot garden but it still works. 

I have been intensely focused on so many things recently.  Trying to figure out which of my daughter's physical and behavioral symptoms are related to which foods, trying to find and gather free materials for the garden, prep, dig, carry, rake and plant the garden, clean the yard and garage so its ready for spring and summer playdates, look for a job, and tweak our expenses even more in an effort to make it through this period of job loss without too much debt.

I'm actually a bit exhausted.  And yet, I have found myself in the past couple days staring at the garden looking for the next big thing I need to do.  The thing is, there isn't anything to do right now.  Seeds are germinating.  Seedlings aren't ready to plant. Structures have been built.  I'm now just functioning on momentum.

Momentum is a great thing.  Getting started from a stopped or stalled position takes a lot of energy.  That's basic physics.  But once the momentum gets going, direction changes, new projects and added responsibilities don't seem so hard to do.  But there is a time when momentum can lead to unnecessary and unintended decisions.

I realized its time for the garden to do what it needs to do.  What it is supposed to do.  I have this nagging voice in my head that is worried the dirt isn't good enough to grow the seeds.  That there will be too much sunlight on one patch and not enough on another.  In reality, if I don't have something to "do" to have some control, I have to trust the potential of those seeds.  Each seed WANTS to grow.  It WANTS to produce fruit.  That's its purpose on this earth.

And then I thought of my daughter.  We have discovered so much in relation to her food intolerances and sensory processing issues.  We are aware of some emotional and social challenges she deals with that could use some extra support.  We are seriously discussing whether she should go to kindergarten this year or should be held back until next year.  This decision is intensely challenging for me.  And then I think, how much should I let go of.  Every child WANTS to learn, WANTS to connect with those around her.  Sometimes, they need the rest of us out of their way.  Less messing with, less tweaking, just let them be.

Oh, I could argue the other side with the state of our public school system.  And not just nationwide but specifically here in Seattle.  But would that be a distraction?  There is no perfect environment.  In reality, we all grow and even thrive in all these not so perfect environments.  Maybe those flaws make us stronger, make us able to prioritize, focus.  Maybe once we gain momentum, we have enough energy built up to not be stalled by less than perfect situations that arise.  

Yes, today, I will let it all be as is.  I will trust in all our potential.