Past, Present and Future

I feel like I'm separating my brain and emotions into parts.  I am trying to live calmly in the past, present and future at the same time.  I walk through the house sorting through our stuff, stirring up memories and determining whether I need the item or am willing to let that memory and thing slide off into another life.  At the same time, I'm trying to manage the laundry, sweep the floor, clean the kitchen, all of which are getting less and less attention each day.  And then there is the need to think about the next steps.  I can't go as far as work or what its going to be like living in Colorado yet.  The only future I have room for right now is how are we going to pack for the road and the last days here.  What path are we going to take to get there and what myriad of surprises can I pack for the girls to keep them somewhat calm for 5 hours of driving each day when neither of them tolerate much more than 30min.

Chickens getting a wagon ride to their new home.  Lucy shared all their favorite treats too.  Spinach leaves, strawberry tops, leftover rice and oatmeal.

Some days its exhausting.  Most days I'm able to separate my emotions and stay focused on the now.  Letting go of stuff has been fairly easy.  There is a lot of clarity for me in what we need and what we don't.  I don't have too much problem with stuff.  Although looking at the garage filling up I had an emotional moment yesterday thinking about the millions of people throughout the world who live on far less.  But that's another post.

Their new home right next to the swing and hammock.  Just like at our house!

Today we took the chickens to a new home.  It is a perfect scenario really.  Our neighbors just two blocks away have a little girl and they are super excited to have the chickens.  The only space they have right now is in the front yard under some beautiful old trees.  So we will be able to walk by on our way to the park and say hello.  They took the coop and everything so there is nothing more we need to do.  This step of the process has made me very sad.  I haven't allowed myself to think about saying goodbye to my friends yet.  I'll deal with that later.  This is the first goodbye.

Lucy helping Tess and Lady out of their box and showing Linea how to hold them.

I'm not quite sure what its all about.  Yes, they are like pets and no one wants to say goodbye to pets.  But I'm having a similar experience giving my veggies away.  I am so grateful that I don't have to just dig them up and toss them in a compost bin. I have a hard enough time thinning sprouts!  But these are growing, thriving veggies with so much food potential.  Food that I nurtured so that they would nurture us.  I think because the chickens and the veggies are such an integral part of my daily existence and purpose on this planet, its really hard to say goodbye to them.

Checking out the grubs at in their new 'hood.

There is so much unknown about our arrival and future in Colorado.  I am not worried or doubtful that we will be recreating and even expanding my gardening and livestock plan but today I am grieving.  I am grieving the beautiful thing we've created here.  I am also excited for the good that we will be creating.  But I also am feeling impatient.  I need to figure out how I can still express this need to nurture and grow our food even in temporary terms.  Now that I think about it, there is a community garden in the center of Carbondale.  That sounds like the perfect place to invest and feel connected.