My Current Balance Point

Balance is such a tough thing sometimes.  Work, life, family, health, finances...there are so many things pulling our attention and stress in different directions.  But I'm realizing that a lot of my stress comes from wishing I were in a different relationship to each part of my life.  Wishing I had more money or more simplicity or was eating better or weighed less or was more patient with my kids or more attentive to their needs.

I suddenly noticed that there are changes happening in my space.  I've been on a slow steady transition for quite some time now.  I don't think I could really attach a flag to the starting point.  Everything has just been moving forward and I'm just now aware that I've reached some of the places I was aiming for.  Now I have a new destination on the map.  But not a destination where I plan on reaching and sitting.  A destination that is just guiding this moment's movement.  As I move on that path, a new focus, just beyond my clear vision, will guide those next steps and so on.  Here are my current balance points.

Food/Health
I am losing weight!  The lightest I've been in years.  But not with focus on losing weight.  With focus on finding joy, learning to nourish my body with food and taking out offending foods that have been attacking my body.  And yet, there are still cheats, still cravings and obsessions.  I'm regularly attending one zumba and one yoga class a week but that's all the focus I have for organized exercise.

Financial
Both my husband and I are without work.  We have absolutely no income outside of unemployment and a couple small contract projects.  The stress of this is weighing incredibly heavy on me.  We are tightening our expenses, cutting out even more and debt is building.  But I've started asking for help.  I'm allowing some creative solutions to show up and I'm taking them.  I'm changing my view of financial aid and the people who need it.

Family/Children
With everyone at home together and without money to spend on adventures or stuff, we are really TOGETHER!  Some of this is a challenge for me.  I like my little moments of space and yet on the days when I can settle into the moment and stop trying to avoid, escape or resent the situation, I am discovering the joy happening.  I am blessed to be so present in the lives of my little ones right now.  I have the time to focus on some important needs they have right now.  I have an opportunity to connect with my husband in ways I could not have done before.  I am learning to see that sometimes.  And sometimes, I go for a walk alone.  And that is good too.

Environment/Sustainability
I have a much bigger garden that is going to grow so much food this year.  We are composting or recycling most of our waste.  We only have one car and right now its not used much.  We aren't filling our house with unnecessary stuff.  My kitchen cabinets are filled with glass jars of bulk food instead of prepackaged stuff.  We are learning to live without plastic wrap in the kitchen. We are going to hang a clothes line.  And yet, we still have plastic sippy cups and disposable diapers.

The biggest gift I can give myself is to not judge where I am in this moment.  This is my journey and I can't possibly know everything or be skilled at everything at one time.  Why live a life if it isn't for the purpose of discovering and learning?  The biggest gift I can give others is to not judge where they are.  Yes, this is balance.  Letting go of judgment and embracing forgiveness.  A little here, a little there and eventually we start seeing ourselves moving on the path.  So good.