I'm Living In a Garage

After finding some rocks and trees to play in near the Crystal River in Basalt, Colorado.

 Not really.  It just feels like that right now.  We are on day two in the house.  When I pause to take a breath, I am reminded of the lingering nausea and exhaustion of altitude adjustment.  The boxes are stacked 4 high in the house as we need to keep one room empty so the carpet can be replaced this week and we don't have all the built in storage we created at the other house.  But when I stepped into the living room tonight after a middle of the night wake up, I discovered that my fabulous husband carved out a corner and set up the couch, the rug and the coffee table.  Its a little oasis that will give us a piece of normal  as we slowly pick at the rest.

We created a rhythm this past week as we moved from the sea through the mountains.  With generous gifts from neighbors and friends on those last days, we were able to choose hotels with pools each night.  We pulled in, got into the pool, headed to the room, made dinner, crashed hard.  Woke up, had a family breakfast in the lounge, hit the road.  The girls did wonderfully all 4 days.  This was not a vacation.  We did not stop to see the sights.  We pushed through two and a half hours of driving, lunch, two and a half more hours of driving.  There were few clouds, high temps and barely a tree in sight for those 4 days.  We were so glad to finally see vegetation again.  I could never live in Southern Idaho or northern Utah.

Goodbye Seattle.

Hello Colorado!

Several things contributed to our success in the car.  Firstly, and probably most importantly, we were blessed with driving the moving truck.  WHAT? You say.  Yes, the truck was a blessing.  My husband and the 4 year old rode in the truck.  I had the 2 year old in the car.  I had the food, the suitcases and a duffel of activities for the 2 year old.  They had the 4 year old's favorite blanket, a white comforter, and a duffel of activities for her.  A week before we left I was worried we didn't have enough interesting things for the car.  Neighbors and friends showered the girls in those last days and it was perfect!  They had all kinds of neat, new activities plus some old ones that had been packed away in my closet for a month saving for the trip.  I also believe not camping was a huge one for us.  Camping requires one person to be fully on with the kids, chasing them in two directions, while one person tries to set up the tent and get the food going.  Both of which can require two people.  Because we chose hotels, neither one of us were "on" with both kids at the same time the whole trip.  We managed our own stress levels this way.  We were already depleting our energy with the trip, the camping process would have drained us much quicker.  With older children who can follow directions, be helpful and don't need to be watched every second, camping could have been a great solution. And in the car, each child was able to flow through her day of wakefulness, rest and eating at her own rhythm and not be interrupted or have to negotiate with a sibling.  When she was tired, she didn't take it out on her sister, she just settle down and rested.  They didn't have to share.  I realize this is a luxury and there is a lesson to be learned but again, stress levels were my priority on this trip.  It was a mission, not a vacation. 

I'm not completely sure how the rhythm worked in the truck.  We were prepared with a laptop and movies and I fully expected they would need that each afternoon.  I probably would have popped it in but I think she only watched a movie one day.  Mostly, she explored her toys and colored or sang songs or just chilled out.  In the car, the two year old did some exploring of toys but mostly dropped everything and screamed about it.  I used the mini DVD player every morning for about an hour.  She spent a good 45min. slowly munching her morning snack and then chilled out the rest of the time.  After running around at lunch time, we'd hop back in the car and within 20 minutes she would be passed out for her nap.  One day she slept straight through the 2 hours beautifully, mostly she had in and out sleeps needing to hold my hand as I twisted strangely from the front seat.  This was the time when we leap frogged our driving as I didn't want to lose miles while she slept.

It worked great.  The grown ups were very tired at the end of the day, most days falling asleep with the kids at 8pm.  I think the pools helped our bodies as well since we were getting pretty achy each afternoon.

Lucy getting her first dip in some natural water outside Basalt, Colorado.

As for the food, we had plenty. and it was super easy.  The batch of pancakes made it for each breakfast as I had granola and milk.  We brought our food to the hotel lounge as Daddy got to eat the free breakfast offered there.  We used the toaster for the pancakes and had a treat of apple juice each morning.  (I thought it could help with the lack of movement each day and needing the body to keep processing.  If you know what I mean.)  People looked at us a bit strange but I'm not sure if it was because of our food or the general craziness that comes with two young children at a tiny breakfast table when they are distracted.  Heck, there is craziness at our breakfast table each morning when we have plenty of space.  Things spill, silverware falls to the floor, someone eats food off the floor, syrup gets into the hair.  We just had an audience this time.

I ended up making it easy for lunch.  We pulled out the turkey, salsa, chips, hummus and some fruit.  Munched and gave up on all the "sit down while you eat" rules at rest stops.  The first night I did the most work as I sauteed veggies, then warmed pizza sauce, then toasted our premade pizza crusts in the pan.  After layering the rest of the items on the pizza, they were ready to eat.  And fabulous because we were able to get the crusts crispy.  Something I've not been able to do normally.  We may change the way we make pizza now.  This was an amazing dinner!  The other nights we utilized the microwave in the room and heated pre-cooked noodles with sauce or leftover Thai from our last night in Seattle.

Snacks in the car were nuts, granola bars that I had made, fruit and peanut butter and some dry cereal and raisins.  We drank lots of water and everyone always had a full bottle.  It just worked great.  No gas station food, or drive thru meals.  We ate well, felt great and that probably contributed to the ease of the drive as well.  I think I forget how much the food we eat affects our moods and ability to function and deal with stress.

But now its time to unpack the kitchen because I need to get cooking again.  Can't run to snag pizza or sandwiches while we work.  So back to it I go.

Road Tripping with Food Intolerances

We are three days from leaving Seattle and moving to Colorado.  The house is full of boxes and those strange piles of miscellaneous things that either don't fit in boxes or are needed in these last days.  I'm still taking every free moment to scrub a corner or a cabinet in hopes that the last day will not be completely filled with soap suds and hot water.

But today I designated as the food prep day.  When the family is avoiding gluten, soy, dairy and eggs, its not possible to just stop at a restaurant, let alone snag some snacks at a 7-11.  We will be traveling for 4 days.  That's a lot of meals and snacks to organize for a family of 4.  But I've got a plan!

Breakfasts are pretty easy.  I did finally find a reasonably priced gluten, soy, egg free cereal that Lucy likes so we'll have that a couple mornings.  But I will also freeze our pancakes for easy toasting on the road.  I also have just discovered a fantastic granola recipe from this book that is my new favorite.  And I was finding I'm not tolerating too many oats during the day and this is oat free.

Lunches will probably be glorified snacks.  Black beans, chips, salsa, fruit, gluten free lunch meat, veggie sticks, etc.  Plus, I have some energy bars I make and today I'm testing a gluten free banana bread muffin recipe from the ratio rally that many gluten free bloggers suggested.  Its a new adventure for me to create a recipe.  But I'm excited to try.  It seems so simple.

Now for dinners.  Which can be tough some times.  Actually, now that I think about it, we may flip the lunch and dinner menus so some mid-day play time can coincide with longer food prep time.  Then at night when we have to set up a tent, the lunch meat, fruit and chips is an easier option.  Hmmm...yeah...that makes sense to me!!

We'll have our beans and rice combo one day where we toss in guacamole, brown rice, black beans, chicken, and salsa.  All these items can be prepped ahead and just warmed up in a pot.  Another day, we'll have gluten free pasta and meat sauce.  I'll season and brown our turkey meat ahead of time and mix it with the sauce when we're ready to eat.  And another day I was thinking we might be able to swing our pizza.  We make a gluten free crust using Bob's Red Mill prepackaged pizza crust mix.  I can make these ahead of time and freeze them.  Then just warm them on the spot and top with sauce and fixings.  The kids just toss pepperoni on top and don't care about it being toasted.  For the grown ups, I can saute veggies and plop on top of the warmed crust.  When you don't need to melt the cheese, it makes on the road pizza easier!

I'll let you know how that works.  There is a lot of veggie prepping, cooking meat, and baking a variety of things to be done today.  Then we'll freeze a lot of it so it will keep better in the coolers along the way.  I guess we'll just eat what's thawed first.  :)  Or I can take some stuff out for the morning drive so it can thaw in the car until lunch.  I'm sure there will be lots to share about this road trip.  It will be an adventure.

Harvesting From the Garden

We are in a lull at the moment.  Just a small time of calm before the next wave of intensity.  Its good really.  We would not have been able to sustain that level of energy for too much longer.  We have packed all that we can without living like we are camping and now we are waiting for the bank and realtors to determine the sale price for our house and when we should list it.  That will bring its own level of stress.  I'm not sure how we're going to keep the house clean enough for daily showings with one hour notices but we'll do our best.  I have several bins, bottoms of closets and empty cabinets ready for a stash of toys, shoes and dirty dishes.

But right now, we are just waiting.  The house we are moving to in Carbondale is not ready until the end of July now.  Rodney leaves tomorrow for an 8 day trip there with a couple interviews on the calendar and a couple more potential meet and greets in line.  He'll be scoping out the area, the house and the best trees to climb so we all have some more comfort in the transition.  It feels good to have this chance even though being a single mom for 8 days is a bit daunting.  I am grateful for a tremendous group of neighbors, friends and my parents.  I'm fairly certain I'll be just fine.

Amidst this excitement, the garden is still growing.  I passed along a few veggies that would have taken most of the summer to grow.  But I still have a lot in my yard.  I had let go of the need to see it to harvest.  I was blessing every sugar snap pea we were able to eat and all the greens that have finally gone to seed.  And then I noticed the broccoli and cauliflower. I have never grown them before and they are huge!!  It was like one day there was nothing and the next I have huge heads of each.  And did you know that a broccoli plant has several heads on each plant?  We had a stir fry last night and only took a small portion of one plant.

A second batch of arugala is ready, I've been munching on the kale and I have squash blossoms blooming.  I will be harvest quite a bit from this little investment.  I thought I would be leaving it to the raccoons but I think we'll be benefiting more than I realized. 

The big lesson right now is flexing.  Keeping the vision clear and in my mind but being willing to flex and adjust to the steps along the way.  Not holding on too tightly to any part of the process as it may adjust and thats ok.  I'm discovering that the adjustment holds many gifts that we would not have experienced. 

A huge gift this past weekend was a lovely party with many of our friends.  This was a mostly a group of families we connected to when Lucy was a baby and have stayed connected.  Thrown in were a couple ladies with whom I have grown up here in Seattle.  Their families have supported me from my early 20's, self centered and quite dramatic to becoming a wife, mother and now this wild step forward.   It was overwhelming and complety perfect to see everyone in the same space, watch the kids with each other and honor this amazing group of people. 

Things are good.  Even in the lull when I ache for movement and closure, I am realizing there are gifts to be received.  Time with friends, spontaneous lunches in the sun under the apple tree, slow walks around the block to climb the cherry trees, and just resting on the stoop with a book while the girls pick flowers.

Past, Present and Future

I feel like I'm separating my brain and emotions into parts.  I am trying to live calmly in the past, present and future at the same time.  I walk through the house sorting through our stuff, stirring up memories and determining whether I need the item or am willing to let that memory and thing slide off into another life.  At the same time, I'm trying to manage the laundry, sweep the floor, clean the kitchen, all of which are getting less and less attention each day.  And then there is the need to think about the next steps.  I can't go as far as work or what its going to be like living in Colorado yet.  The only future I have room for right now is how are we going to pack for the road and the last days here.  What path are we going to take to get there and what myriad of surprises can I pack for the girls to keep them somewhat calm for 5 hours of driving each day when neither of them tolerate much more than 30min.

Chickens getting a wagon ride to their new home.  Lucy shared all their favorite treats too.  Spinach leaves, strawberry tops, leftover rice and oatmeal.

Some days its exhausting.  Most days I'm able to separate my emotions and stay focused on the now.  Letting go of stuff has been fairly easy.  There is a lot of clarity for me in what we need and what we don't.  I don't have too much problem with stuff.  Although looking at the garage filling up I had an emotional moment yesterday thinking about the millions of people throughout the world who live on far less.  But that's another post.

Their new home right next to the swing and hammock.  Just like at our house!

Today we took the chickens to a new home.  It is a perfect scenario really.  Our neighbors just two blocks away have a little girl and they are super excited to have the chickens.  The only space they have right now is in the front yard under some beautiful old trees.  So we will be able to walk by on our way to the park and say hello.  They took the coop and everything so there is nothing more we need to do.  This step of the process has made me very sad.  I haven't allowed myself to think about saying goodbye to my friends yet.  I'll deal with that later.  This is the first goodbye.

Lucy helping Tess and Lady out of their box and showing Linea how to hold them.

I'm not quite sure what its all about.  Yes, they are like pets and no one wants to say goodbye to pets.  But I'm having a similar experience giving my veggies away.  I am so grateful that I don't have to just dig them up and toss them in a compost bin. I have a hard enough time thinning sprouts!  But these are growing, thriving veggies with so much food potential.  Food that I nurtured so that they would nurture us.  I think because the chickens and the veggies are such an integral part of my daily existence and purpose on this planet, its really hard to say goodbye to them.

Checking out the grubs at in their new 'hood.

There is so much unknown about our arrival and future in Colorado.  I am not worried or doubtful that we will be recreating and even expanding my gardening and livestock plan but today I am grieving.  I am grieving the beautiful thing we've created here.  I am also excited for the good that we will be creating.  But I also am feeling impatient.  I need to figure out how I can still express this need to nurture and grow our food even in temporary terms.  Now that I think about it, there is a community garden in the center of Carbondale.  That sounds like the perfect place to invest and feel connected.

The Thing About Intentions...

I have a strong belief in the effectiveness of setting intentions.  Not goals, but intentions and that the mind creates easy pathways for our intentions to come to fruition or the mind creates all kinds of blocks and filters to narrow our possibilities.  Or, more clearly, what we think, we experience.

You see, this move was on our minds three years ago.  And during all the stress of the past 3 years, we kept saying what we wanted.  Usually in the moment of distress like, "I just want to live near family so we can have some help!"  Or "We need a living situation that doesn't require this level of income to support!"  Or "I want to live where we can walk or bike to all that we need and the car can gather dust!"  We weren't meditating on our intention.  We were just begging for something different.

As we've been telling people about our move, most responses are "Wait!  What?  Why?"  My response has been changing the more I talk about it.  Sure, the fact that we are unemployed is a catalyst but going to a small town of 6000 people from a big city seems like a strange move based on the need for work.  And believe me, I'm seeing the looks on the faces of people thinking we're moving just to find work.  And sure, we need some help getting out of the house since we can't afford to pay for it right now.  But we could have rented here or taken a free rent house from a couple other family members in other parts of the country.

We woke up to realize that our intention was manifesting and we needed to jump in and honor it.  I believe we all have something to give to the world, even if there are times when our minds add roadblocks.  I have to stay focused or I get sucked back in to all the doubts.  Why can't we thrive in a small community?  Especially if that is exactly what we've been wanting.  Maybe we're not finding the work we want to do here because we're not supposed to be here.  This place is not a part of our vision.  The community piece was here but not the other pieces.  I want it all and believe it will show up just as we need it.  I have the past couple weeks of experiences to prove it.  All that we need is showing up right as we need it.  As long as we don't start spiraling down the dark hole of doubt.

Yes, our minds are very powerful indeed.  So I'll take another risk here and share my intention.  Because I also believe in the power of group thought.  The more people sharing the same vision, the greater chance it will show up.  So if you want to give a little gift today, see this showing up for me.

I intend to nourish and inspire others while living in community and experiencing financial prosperity.

The site of our wedding seven years ago.  Really fun to come back with our children at the moment we are making big changes. 

How will I do this?  Oh...so many ways.  More ways than I could come up with on my own, I'm sure..  But...I have ideas in the works.  A retreat center that grows much of its own organic food.  A place for people to create, heal, gather, connect with nature, etc.  And maybe some books.  I have a few children's books written that could become great. I also have two adult non-fiction books outlined waiting for attention.  Or maybe its connecting with other Mamas and creating space for us all to find ourselves again and share our female strength and intuitive powers.  Who knows.  Maybe all of those things. We'll see how the path unfolds.

My vision for myself and my family is VERY clear.  I can see myself in 25 years relishing the fruits of the trees planted this next year.  What is your personal intention?  That thought that keeps creeping into your mind.  Maybe in the most stressful of times when you know what you really want.  Go ahead and say it to yourself.  Then to someone else.  Write it here.  The more attention you give, the quicker it will show up.  And you don't have to know how it will happen.  You just need to be ready to jump when it does.

Letting Go and Riding the River

Huge stuff here.  Big, scary, life changing stuff.  The kind that gives you butterflies and nausea at the same time.  My chest is tight, my head aches and yet I feel a relief in my shoulders.

Maybe I should tell you the whole story.  This is a blog about movement anyway.  Moving one's family toward a more sustainable existence.  And when I talk of sustainability, I'm thinking about our spiritual, emotional, financial and environmental sustainability.  I'm understanding how closely these are all linked.  Its a spiritual gift to feel connected to the life force that keeps us going each day.  To know that we are respecting the resources of the planet being used for us to live.  It is a social and political awareness that allows me to think about the people across the planet who are suffering or thriving based on how I choose to spend my money.  There is a real financial balance needed to be reached so that we can honor our responsibilities and our soul's purpose at the same time.  It seems to me that the strategies of living with environmental consciousness and using sustainable practices, can lead to a greater well-being overall.

For several years, my family has been trying to make decisions to align with these beliefs.  We've embraced re-using practices, we've been diligent with our city's recycling and food waste systems, we've added chickens, a bigger garden, connected with community, opened up our resources for sharing, paired down our spending habits, and tweaked our household to be more environmentally friendly.

The byproduct of these decisions has been an intense and beautiful connection to our community of friends here in Seattle.  We know our neighbors.  Lots of them.  We know our mailman, the grocery clerks.  My kids have friends who are infants to seniors.  We have a family built here that has created a loving environment for us and our children.

And yet, the cost has been a financial and spiritual one.  You see, we jumped into the housing market at what is now known as the height of the real estate bubble.  At the time, the prices just kept getting higher and higher and no one, or at least, we didn't know when it was going to come down.  Based on the traditional view of residential real estate, we thought we were supposed to just get into the market by buying a house, any small house (780 square feet kind of small) and we would be better able to move around in a few years once we gained some value.  Well...clearly the system no longer works that way.  Our value has dropped and will continue to drop for a while.  Some city transportation changes may cause it to drop even further.

We found ourselves in not only unfullfilling work but I have watched my husband's soul be stripped away for the past few years as he took jobs for the sole purpose of paying bills and keeping this house.  We were working toward a new plan several years ago when I discovered I was pregnant and had to go on bed rest.  Yet again, we needed to deal with the immediate needs of the family and hold off on any real change.

And then 3 months ago, my husband lost his job.  There are moments in our lives when I think the universe just kicks us in the butt as a gift.  We had a vision for where we wanted our family to go and couldn't make it there on our own.  I realized that for years I had been holding on to our amazing family of friends so tightly and just hoping everything else would fall into place.  I was even holding tightly to this house.  Making more space, building a porch, converting part of the garage into a studio.  We just kept trying.

This past weekend I called my brother in hopes of some moral support.  He and his family has had their own experience with tough financial and lifestyle changes.  I needed him to tell me that it would work out ok.  But secretly, I wanted him to give me some amazing secret answer that would solve all these problems.  We've been trying to move closer to my brother and his family for several years.  We share the same beliefs in living connected to our purpose and community and the resources used for our daily lives.  They have children similar ages as ours.  We have spent hours on the phone dreaming about our "family compound" that both raised our food and had creative space for our spiritual expression.

As soon as we told my brother that we could no longer pay our mortgage and we were looking at a short sale or possible foreclosure he basically shouted Hoorah!!!  What?!

They had just closed on a house with a 2 bedroom apartment below.  And get this, it is almost twice the size of the one we have now.  You see, the universe had a plan.  We needed to be patient and stay focused on our vision.  But it is unfolding in front of us.  There is so much good among the stress.

We still have lots to sort out with our current space.  The bank and the federal mortgage programs have been less than useful.  But maybe that is part of the plan.  We don't qualify for any of the programs, strangely enough.  Maybe this is our path.  We have to go through this process to get to where we want.

I am really struggling with leaving my friends and the safety of a community I know so well.  Moment to moment each day, I question if we should be moving.  And yet, when I sit still with my thoughts and connect to our family's goals and with the belief that we can and are worthy of a life that honors our hearts as much as our responsibilities, clarity comes.  Yes, this transition is good.  As long as I can keep loosening my grip, keep relaxing my hold and letting myself ride the river, feet first, head up, all will be fine.  Eventually we'll settle in the deep waters that move slowly where I can soak in the vista again.