Sustainable Strategies in a Small Town

We have to change our systems.  We have been here in small town Colorado for 2 weeks and we are twitching with disgust with all the garbage we have to throw out.  This region of small towns does not have the recycling and yard waste solutions that big city Seattle does.  Maybe there aren't enough people to support it.  Maybe they haven't made it a priority.  Maybe all the steps of the system hasn't been created in the area.  I'm not sure yet. We discovered that in a town of 6000 people there are 3 garbage companies available.  That seems inefficient but I haven't dug into that just yet. 

In Seattle, there is a weekly yard waste pick up that includes ALL food waste.  Yes, all those fruit and veggie scraps, the eggs shells and coffee grinds, but also the leftover chicken teriyaki or your breakfast cereal gets scraped into the bin.  We all had some sort of small compost container in our kitchens to collect as we cooked.  And for the recycling, there is so much that gets recycled that we had barely one bag of garbage each week. 

But now that we're here...the guilt is setting in with bags of food scraps and the minimum of recycling happening.  It looks like we'll be adding a weekly or monthly trip to a recycling center to handle some of the stuff that our garbage company won't take.  Like printed cardboard!  Are you kidding me?  They would have to ship it to New Mexico.  Well...that doesn't seem to make sense, does it?  So not only are we thinking differently about the packages we are purchasing but we are thinking more seriously about a compost system at our house.  We won't be able to compost the proteins in a basic yard system, but all those veggie and fruit scraps will work just fine for part of the season at least.  And eventually we'll get ourselves some chickens again which will definitely love the scraps.  Worms are on order as well. 

As for the car, well...we are definitely walking and riding our bikes a lot right now.  I think I've been in the car 2 times since we got here.  But my husband got a job in a nearby town so he'll be commuting about 15 miles round trip each day.  That's not bad.  In the off season, we'll be using the car as much as Seattle I expect.  And most people here run up the valley to the big town for shopping A LOT.  There's a Walmart, Target, bigger grocery stores, etc.  I don't like seeing that as an easy errand.  In fact, last week I planned a trip there one afternoon with 3 stops in mind.  I was exhausted at the end and was happy to be back in the small town.  I really don't like shopping.  I don't like parking lots, stop lights, 4 lanes of traffic.  I've been enjoying the lack of those things so that 10 mile trip to the "big town" will probably remain a once every couple of weeks or once a month event.

Water usage is also an issue in this space.  There is no dishwasher so I am running the water for a long time waiting for warm enough water.  So far, I've been filling water pitchers while I wait for the water temperature to get hot.  Then I put the pitchers in the refrigerator for drinking throughout the day.  Although I'm washing enough dishes that even this isn't taking care of all the extra going down the drain.  I may start heating water on the stove to wash dishes.  The shower is also like a fire hose and the toilet is an old school, full tank as well.  Both could use an upgrade just to minimize the waste of water.  I keep seeing dollars going down the drain.  The shower pressure is so high that water collects at my feet because it can't drain fast enough.  

On the other hand, our food bills are going up because we aren't able to get our bulk stuff like we used to at Costco.  We really tailored our eating around some of those items and they just don't make sense on a small scale.  So it looks like our eating will change a bit.  Speaking of that, we are ready to test Lucy on her food intolerances again.  She has chosen eggs for the first week.  So we'll see how that goes.  I'll keep you posted.  I'm not particularly excited about it as I'd rather us live with this healthy, balanced kid we've had for the past couple months.  But I know she needs this and we need to know what foods are giving her the worst symptoms so we're going to give it a go.

So many new pictures and yet, not enough

I realized we haven't had the camera out much this past month.  We've been focusing so much on packing, traveling and unpacking.  And yet, we've had some really great moments with the girls too.  Just didn't have the camera at hand.  I'm finding it an interesting perspective as we live very "in the moment".  There is something about not documenting for the future and just relishing in what is right then.  No interruption.  The girls know.  They can feel when we've separated from them by putting a camera in their space instead of connecting with them.  Its a balance. 

And yet, we've also caught some cute moments too.  Like these from the last days in Seattle when we were trying to get in our final playdates with friends.  Friends whom we miss daily right now.  Lucy is really struggling with this. She has a couple times each day when she is most sad.  Luckily she is able to talk about it but its really hard to hear.  She has said things like, "you didn't do this for us, you moved because of your work."  "Or...I have no friends here and I don't want to live here."  Yeah...crazy hard to hear.  We're doing our best to get out in the neighborhood and meet some kids so she can find some new playdates. 

Or just some cute moments when we decided to make homemade ice cream.  We are loving our cuisinart machine as it is SO crazy easy!!  This one is coconut milk, agave sweetener, carob powder and strawberries. 

And then when we reached Colorado the fun has been in exploring play with a cousin that is feeling a lot like a sibling.  Things are settling down but the first few days were pretty hectic as they all moved in a pack.  So excited to be together and so irritated with each other as they learned how to set their own boundaries.  We are all trying to figure out what our boundaries are.  When can the kids come over, how do we monitor the play in the backyard and how often are we going to eat together.  Right now, we've had lots of picnics together in the yard.  Its hot here and its just easier in some ways.  Lucy is getting better at accepting that other people can eat things she cannot.  The dogs are thrilled that there are so many kids eating in the yard.

Everyone helping unload the truck.  Did you notice our welcome signs and balloons?

I know this picture is hard to see but a really funny moment happened the day I finally unpacked all of our clothes.  The girls thought it was super funny to dress up in our clothes.  Lucy led the experience and dressed Edie in whatever she could find.  Some moments they came out giggling with dresses and high heels or with Daddy's shirts.  Lucy cracked herself up.  I'm surprised they haven't done this before. 

We're all getting to know our new space better and better each day and the boxes are getting fewer and fewer.  I suspect we'll be finished in the next couple days.  The mission right now is to find Lucy some friends to play with so we're off to the park this morning.  More to come now that I know where the camera is again.

I'm Living In a Garage

After finding some rocks and trees to play in near the Crystal River in Basalt, Colorado.

 Not really.  It just feels like that right now.  We are on day two in the house.  When I pause to take a breath, I am reminded of the lingering nausea and exhaustion of altitude adjustment.  The boxes are stacked 4 high in the house as we need to keep one room empty so the carpet can be replaced this week and we don't have all the built in storage we created at the other house.  But when I stepped into the living room tonight after a middle of the night wake up, I discovered that my fabulous husband carved out a corner and set up the couch, the rug and the coffee table.  Its a little oasis that will give us a piece of normal  as we slowly pick at the rest.

We created a rhythm this past week as we moved from the sea through the mountains.  With generous gifts from neighbors and friends on those last days, we were able to choose hotels with pools each night.  We pulled in, got into the pool, headed to the room, made dinner, crashed hard.  Woke up, had a family breakfast in the lounge, hit the road.  The girls did wonderfully all 4 days.  This was not a vacation.  We did not stop to see the sights.  We pushed through two and a half hours of driving, lunch, two and a half more hours of driving.  There were few clouds, high temps and barely a tree in sight for those 4 days.  We were so glad to finally see vegetation again.  I could never live in Southern Idaho or northern Utah.

Goodbye Seattle.

Hello Colorado!

Several things contributed to our success in the car.  Firstly, and probably most importantly, we were blessed with driving the moving truck.  WHAT? You say.  Yes, the truck was a blessing.  My husband and the 4 year old rode in the truck.  I had the 2 year old in the car.  I had the food, the suitcases and a duffel of activities for the 2 year old.  They had the 4 year old's favorite blanket, a white comforter, and a duffel of activities for her.  A week before we left I was worried we didn't have enough interesting things for the car.  Neighbors and friends showered the girls in those last days and it was perfect!  They had all kinds of neat, new activities plus some old ones that had been packed away in my closet for a month saving for the trip.  I also believe not camping was a huge one for us.  Camping requires one person to be fully on with the kids, chasing them in two directions, while one person tries to set up the tent and get the food going.  Both of which can require two people.  Because we chose hotels, neither one of us were "on" with both kids at the same time the whole trip.  We managed our own stress levels this way.  We were already depleting our energy with the trip, the camping process would have drained us much quicker.  With older children who can follow directions, be helpful and don't need to be watched every second, camping could have been a great solution. And in the car, each child was able to flow through her day of wakefulness, rest and eating at her own rhythm and not be interrupted or have to negotiate with a sibling.  When she was tired, she didn't take it out on her sister, she just settle down and rested.  They didn't have to share.  I realize this is a luxury and there is a lesson to be learned but again, stress levels were my priority on this trip.  It was a mission, not a vacation. 

I'm not completely sure how the rhythm worked in the truck.  We were prepared with a laptop and movies and I fully expected they would need that each afternoon.  I probably would have popped it in but I think she only watched a movie one day.  Mostly, she explored her toys and colored or sang songs or just chilled out.  In the car, the two year old did some exploring of toys but mostly dropped everything and screamed about it.  I used the mini DVD player every morning for about an hour.  She spent a good 45min. slowly munching her morning snack and then chilled out the rest of the time.  After running around at lunch time, we'd hop back in the car and within 20 minutes she would be passed out for her nap.  One day she slept straight through the 2 hours beautifully, mostly she had in and out sleeps needing to hold my hand as I twisted strangely from the front seat.  This was the time when we leap frogged our driving as I didn't want to lose miles while she slept.

It worked great.  The grown ups were very tired at the end of the day, most days falling asleep with the kids at 8pm.  I think the pools helped our bodies as well since we were getting pretty achy each afternoon.

Lucy getting her first dip in some natural water outside Basalt, Colorado.

As for the food, we had plenty. and it was super easy.  The batch of pancakes made it for each breakfast as I had granola and milk.  We brought our food to the hotel lounge as Daddy got to eat the free breakfast offered there.  We used the toaster for the pancakes and had a treat of apple juice each morning.  (I thought it could help with the lack of movement each day and needing the body to keep processing.  If you know what I mean.)  People looked at us a bit strange but I'm not sure if it was because of our food or the general craziness that comes with two young children at a tiny breakfast table when they are distracted.  Heck, there is craziness at our breakfast table each morning when we have plenty of space.  Things spill, silverware falls to the floor, someone eats food off the floor, syrup gets into the hair.  We just had an audience this time.

I ended up making it easy for lunch.  We pulled out the turkey, salsa, chips, hummus and some fruit.  Munched and gave up on all the "sit down while you eat" rules at rest stops.  The first night I did the most work as I sauteed veggies, then warmed pizza sauce, then toasted our premade pizza crusts in the pan.  After layering the rest of the items on the pizza, they were ready to eat.  And fabulous because we were able to get the crusts crispy.  Something I've not been able to do normally.  We may change the way we make pizza now.  This was an amazing dinner!  The other nights we utilized the microwave in the room and heated pre-cooked noodles with sauce or leftover Thai from our last night in Seattle.

Snacks in the car were nuts, granola bars that I had made, fruit and peanut butter and some dry cereal and raisins.  We drank lots of water and everyone always had a full bottle.  It just worked great.  No gas station food, or drive thru meals.  We ate well, felt great and that probably contributed to the ease of the drive as well.  I think I forget how much the food we eat affects our moods and ability to function and deal with stress.

But now its time to unpack the kitchen because I need to get cooking again.  Can't run to snag pizza or sandwiches while we work.  So back to it I go.

Road Tripping with Food Intolerances

We are three days from leaving Seattle and moving to Colorado.  The house is full of boxes and those strange piles of miscellaneous things that either don't fit in boxes or are needed in these last days.  I'm still taking every free moment to scrub a corner or a cabinet in hopes that the last day will not be completely filled with soap suds and hot water.

But today I designated as the food prep day.  When the family is avoiding gluten, soy, dairy and eggs, its not possible to just stop at a restaurant, let alone snag some snacks at a 7-11.  We will be traveling for 4 days.  That's a lot of meals and snacks to organize for a family of 4.  But I've got a plan!

Breakfasts are pretty easy.  I did finally find a reasonably priced gluten, soy, egg free cereal that Lucy likes so we'll have that a couple mornings.  But I will also freeze our pancakes for easy toasting on the road.  I also have just discovered a fantastic granola recipe from this book that is my new favorite.  And I was finding I'm not tolerating too many oats during the day and this is oat free.

Lunches will probably be glorified snacks.  Black beans, chips, salsa, fruit, gluten free lunch meat, veggie sticks, etc.  Plus, I have some energy bars I make and today I'm testing a gluten free banana bread muffin recipe from the ratio rally that many gluten free bloggers suggested.  Its a new adventure for me to create a recipe.  But I'm excited to try.  It seems so simple.

Now for dinners.  Which can be tough some times.  Actually, now that I think about it, we may flip the lunch and dinner menus so some mid-day play time can coincide with longer food prep time.  Then at night when we have to set up a tent, the lunch meat, fruit and chips is an easier option.  Hmmm...yeah...that makes sense to me!!

We'll have our beans and rice combo one day where we toss in guacamole, brown rice, black beans, chicken, and salsa.  All these items can be prepped ahead and just warmed up in a pot.  Another day, we'll have gluten free pasta and meat sauce.  I'll season and brown our turkey meat ahead of time and mix it with the sauce when we're ready to eat.  And another day I was thinking we might be able to swing our pizza.  We make a gluten free crust using Bob's Red Mill prepackaged pizza crust mix.  I can make these ahead of time and freeze them.  Then just warm them on the spot and top with sauce and fixings.  The kids just toss pepperoni on top and don't care about it being toasted.  For the grown ups, I can saute veggies and plop on top of the warmed crust.  When you don't need to melt the cheese, it makes on the road pizza easier!

I'll let you know how that works.  There is a lot of veggie prepping, cooking meat, and baking a variety of things to be done today.  Then we'll freeze a lot of it so it will keep better in the coolers along the way.  I guess we'll just eat what's thawed first.  :)  Or I can take some stuff out for the morning drive so it can thaw in the car until lunch.  I'm sure there will be lots to share about this road trip.  It will be an adventure.

Murphy July 1998-July 2011

I picked him up when he was 5 months old, one day before he was scheduled to be euthanized.  He had been abused in his first few months and that mistreatment had a lingering effect.  He needed attention and training to learn to trust someone.  He fiercely refused a crate and became horribly depressed when tied up in the yard.  He wouldn't allow anyone, but especially men to pet him on the head.

I had been in Seattle just 16 months, had just moved into my 3rd place and was without a car.  Murphy and I traveled on foot or on the metro buses.  We spent our morning walks doing training at the neighborhood playground, rode the bus to the grocery store for dog food and took a rental car to the mountains on the weekends.  We hiked, camped and explored all around the Puget Sound together, just the two of us.

In 2002, he made a long circular trek with me when we flew back home for...shall we call it...a reboot?  6 months later, Murphy and I loaded up a mini-van and drove all the way back to Seattle.  We lived in several more houses until finding Rodney and Jack, his dog in 2004.  They had to go through their own process of establishing trust.  It was not easy for either of them.  But eventually, everyone settled into a routine and expectations of each other.

We were worried about how he would accept a new baby into the house.  So with lots of routines and clear limits, Murphy handled this change beautifully and felt comfortable with Lucy.  He became her companion as well.  He has continued to move through the days with a quiet connection to each of us.  Never trying to take over the energy of the room but always being there.  At bed time, in a very tiny bedroom, while two adults and two children are moving about trying to get pj's on, Murphy always slid in and curled up in the corner where he could.  He was 90lbs so its not like he can hide under a chair.

He has been at my side through a lot and I know that I never treated him with as much love as he showed me.  He would settle in at my bedside when I was sick and not leave until I got up, even if that was for days.  He came to me when I was crying, whenever I was on the floor with the girls, and of course when I was cooking. He was willing to go anywhere.

In the past 2 months we have watched and cared for him as he quickly began his journey to the end.  It has been very challenging.  To watch someone you love so dearly, begin deteriorating before your eyes is so painful.  When Jack passed, it was clear that he had dementia and was really not aware of his surroundings.  And then he had a stroke so the moment was clear.  Murphy was just slowly becoming less mobile, eating less, not connecting, sleeping outside and growing gigantic tumors.  As we got closer to the move, and after one trip camping with the grandparents, it was clear.  He wasn't going to make the move.  No matter what I did with meds, comfort, etc.

Yesterday, Rodney, Lucy and I took him to the vet to say goodbye.  We sat with him during the procedure.  We cried and told him how much we loved him.  I thanked him for being my friend and companion.  Being the only soul besides my family that I have known for so long.  For showing me how important trust is and how important it is to be reliable and responsible.  How caring for someone else makes me a better person.  And how to accept and honor the whole being, all of the complexity and even sometimes the things that are hard to accept.  Because the love you get when you love fully, is remarkable and will remain forever.

Lucy moved through the emotions just as we did.  From remembering, to laughing, to crying and back again.  She watched his breathing as we described the procedure.  I wanted her to know that going to sleep is  not what made Murphy die.  And he just doesn't "go away".  She had the choice to come to the vet and the choice to leave with Daddy at any point.  But she wanted to stay.  And when the medicine was given to take his life and he stopped breathing, she said, "but he's still here."  Oh...yeah...his body doesn't just disappear.

This is what we told her.  His soul, the living, loving part of himself goes to heaven and his body stays here.  It gets buried and turns to dirt and feeds the plants and trees.  Just like our compost that we make.  She then began giggling to herself and said, "wouldn't it be funny if there was a Murphy tree where we could pick little Murphys?"  We all began laughing and again she showed us how to move gracefully between emotions.  Nothing wrong, nothing inappropriate.  Every one perfect. 

Loss is hard.  I keep expecting to step over him, walk around him in a doorway and we had to clean up all food off the floor after dinner last night.   I checked his water bowl before going to bed last night and felt the urge to go outside to find him.  This will take a while to move out of the routine.  But the routine keeps memories really clear too.  Although I'm ready to remember his vitality, his quirkiness, his deep connection to me in those expressive eyes.  There will be another dog someday.  Living without animals is just not an option for this family and a dog especially.  But now it is time to transition, to settle, to create stability for all the rest of the members of the family.  And we are blessed to be moving to a house with 2 dogs.  So we'll get our canine love that way.  And loving them does not take away from our love of Murphy, just keeps the memories strong.

Grieving

I don't know what else to call it.  I'm in a place of quiet, almost retreat, in these last days.  There has been so much ease in a process that could have been steeped in stress.  And yet, the goodbyes hold the same weight on me.

I became an adult in Seattle.  I pushed through the 20's with a facade of confidence and wisdom.  I entered my 30's feeling a bit like I was pretending to be a grown up.  Doing all the "right" things grown ups do.  I can't tell you the number of times I've looked at my daughters, my house, my husband and thought "Am I really doing this?"  And now I understand that feeling. 

I was pretending a bit.  Its kind of like changing eating habits.  You have to take a lot of energy in the beginning think about every meal, every instance where you might crave the bad stuff and really work at eating differently.  Or exercising or accepting a new concept or belief system.  There is a knowing in the brain that is powerful enough to make some big things happen.  But when the body, the soul, accepts and really owns these new habits and ideas, that's when the magic and authenticity happens.

We had been making changes in our daily lives to live more simply and more connected and yet we've been living in a context that could never fully support our personal paths.  As I move closer to my 40's, I feel like I am clear about how I want to express life in this world.  And yet separating from all the familiar, safe and loving aspects of my current corner of the universe is still painful.  Its not like they did me wrong in any way.  Seattle is a wonderful place offering lots of support for living sustainably and connecting to local food and wonderful people to live along side. 

But as I listen to my husband sharing details of his trip to our new home this week, I am finding comfort in a more thoughtful, conscious and authentic creation of our corner of the universe.  In a way that reflects our unique take on things and allows us to thrive. We all deserve to thrive.  Not just get by, or even to have to struggle for each gift along the way.  But to thrive!

Harvesting From the Garden

We are in a lull at the moment.  Just a small time of calm before the next wave of intensity.  Its good really.  We would not have been able to sustain that level of energy for too much longer.  We have packed all that we can without living like we are camping and now we are waiting for the bank and realtors to determine the sale price for our house and when we should list it.  That will bring its own level of stress.  I'm not sure how we're going to keep the house clean enough for daily showings with one hour notices but we'll do our best.  I have several bins, bottoms of closets and empty cabinets ready for a stash of toys, shoes and dirty dishes.

But right now, we are just waiting.  The house we are moving to in Carbondale is not ready until the end of July now.  Rodney leaves tomorrow for an 8 day trip there with a couple interviews on the calendar and a couple more potential meet and greets in line.  He'll be scoping out the area, the house and the best trees to climb so we all have some more comfort in the transition.  It feels good to have this chance even though being a single mom for 8 days is a bit daunting.  I am grateful for a tremendous group of neighbors, friends and my parents.  I'm fairly certain I'll be just fine.

Amidst this excitement, the garden is still growing.  I passed along a few veggies that would have taken most of the summer to grow.  But I still have a lot in my yard.  I had let go of the need to see it to harvest.  I was blessing every sugar snap pea we were able to eat and all the greens that have finally gone to seed.  And then I noticed the broccoli and cauliflower. I have never grown them before and they are huge!!  It was like one day there was nothing and the next I have huge heads of each.  And did you know that a broccoli plant has several heads on each plant?  We had a stir fry last night and only took a small portion of one plant.

A second batch of arugala is ready, I've been munching on the kale and I have squash blossoms blooming.  I will be harvest quite a bit from this little investment.  I thought I would be leaving it to the raccoons but I think we'll be benefiting more than I realized. 

The big lesson right now is flexing.  Keeping the vision clear and in my mind but being willing to flex and adjust to the steps along the way.  Not holding on too tightly to any part of the process as it may adjust and thats ok.  I'm discovering that the adjustment holds many gifts that we would not have experienced. 

A huge gift this past weekend was a lovely party with many of our friends.  This was a mostly a group of families we connected to when Lucy was a baby and have stayed connected.  Thrown in were a couple ladies with whom I have grown up here in Seattle.  Their families have supported me from my early 20's, self centered and quite dramatic to becoming a wife, mother and now this wild step forward.   It was overwhelming and complety perfect to see everyone in the same space, watch the kids with each other and honor this amazing group of people. 

Things are good.  Even in the lull when I ache for movement and closure, I am realizing there are gifts to be received.  Time with friends, spontaneous lunches in the sun under the apple tree, slow walks around the block to climb the cherry trees, and just resting on the stoop with a book while the girls pick flowers.